05: How to handle uncertainty while changing careers

Making a career change can take time. And not knowing if it'll turn out the way you want and when it’ll actually happen, can be very stressful. 

Are you working on your career switch and constantly worried? Are you feeling discouraged as the weeks or months go by? Life coach Allison Carmen, author of The Gift of Maybe: Finding Hope and Possibility in Uncertain Times, offers 3 tools to handle uncertainty while changing careers.

Episode Highlights:

• Why you have a hard time with uncertainty
• Dealing with fear of the unknown
• What are the stories you tell yourself?
• Things are neither good or bad.
• Challenging your thoughts
• The concept of “maybe” where anything is possible
• Getting unstuck from certainty
• If you want your life to change, it happens in the unknown.
• Not knowing = possibilities 
• How “maybe” statements can help with your career switch
• Living in the moment/being in the present
• How to deal with stress
• There are many ways to be ok.
• Uncertainty brings good things, too.
• Letting go 
• Being grateful opens you up to new opportunities.
• How to incorporate “maybe” every day while making a career switch

Find Allison Carmen at www.allisoncarmen.com

Allison's book: The Gift of Maybe: Finding Hope and Possibility in Uncertain Times

Allison's podcast: 10 Minutes to Less Suffering

Music credit: TimMoor from Pixabay

Podcast info:
What's your career switch? What do you think about this episode and the show? Tell us at careerswitchpod.com. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Transcript

Lixandra: Hi, everyone. I'm Lixandra Urresta, and this is Career Switch Podcast. This show is here to encourage you to take action with whatever career change you've been considering or are working on. In some episodes, I talk to people who've made their own career switch, whether by choice or circumstance. They share the good, the bad, and the truth about their journey, including what worked for them and what didn't. In other episodes, I speak with experts who offer their best career advice on issues that can come up during the process of making a career change. After all, it takes guts to switch things up, and it's not easy. However, it is possible. So. I hope you hear something in this episode, an idea, a suggestion, a piece of wisdom that'll spur you into action with your own career switch, whether it's taking that first bold step or trying something new. Welcome. I'm glad you're here. 

Let's face it, making a career switch can take time. And waiting to see if it turns out the way you want and when it'll actually happen can be very stressful. It was for me. After my layoff from magazines a few years ago, I decided to switch industries. I felt I had to, since layoffs were the norm in publishing. It took me 14 months to secure, first, a new full-time position, second, a position with benefits, and third, a position in a new industry. The uncertainty of when this trifecta would happen had me anxious and on edge. If only a fortune teller would have let me know that it would take 14 months, then perhaps I would have relaxed and actually enjoyed the extra time I had on my hands, taking a class, taking a trip, or simply had more fun. 

My experience is the reason I wanted to do this episode. How can we handle the uncertainty while making a career switch? Are you working on your career switch and constantly worried? Are you losing sleep? Are you feeling discouraged as the weeks or months go by? Here to help us is Allison Carmen, author of the book, The Gift of Maybe, which provides tools to reduce stress and worry in uncertain times. Her podcast, 10 Minutes to Less Suffering, is an extension of her book. She's also a business consultant and a life coach who supports her clients with their career changes. According to Allison, uncertainty is actually our best friend because it's in the unknown where possibility exists. She explains how everything we want will happen in the unknown. 

Hi, Allison. Thanks for joining us. I have a personal connection to this episode in that I had a hard time dealing with uncertainty while I made my career switch. Honestly, not knowing how long it would take was one of the hardest things to deal with. It affected me in that I did a lot of stress eating, I gained weight, I was anxious, and to be fair, I did not have a lot of fun during those 14 months that it took to switch industries. I felt I could not fully enjoy myself while I was in limbo. I thought I had to keep my eye on the prize, and until I secured that new job, that's all I could focus on. Why is it so hard for some people to handle uncertainty?

Allison: The reason why most of us fear uncertainty is because we're afraid we're not okay. We worry that things are not going to work out when we don't see how things are going the way that we thought they were going to, we project our fear and our worry into the future. And a lot of us do that in order to make ourselves feel better. We write these narratives in our lives. I'm going to have this amount of money in the bank when I'm 50, I'm going to have this job till I retire. I'm going to meet this person. This relationship is going to last. And we forget that these are our own stories, but we make them like, this is what's supposed to happen. And if it doesn't happen, I won't be safe. So ultimately that's what happens when we see the unknown. We write the story that it's bad, that it can't get better, and we forget that uncertainty is really our best friend, especially during hard times. Because when you're going through a hard time, everything you want is going to happen in the unknown. So that's that moment that if you could flip your relationship with uncertainty and start to see that what I don't know is where my possibilities lie. And the minute you kind of shift that, your whole relationship with uncertainty changes. Then you live more in, I look forward to the unknown future because I realize that's where hope and possibility lie.

Lixandra: In your book, you write that you were addicted to uncertainty. How did that play out in your life?

Allison: I was addicted to certainty for most of my life. If I didn't know what was going to happen, I projected things were going to be bad and they weren't going to work out. And I just talked to you this idea about a story. So for me, in order to manage uncertainty, I would write these huge stories. And the biggest story I had growing up is that I was going to become a lawyer. I was going to secure my future. I was going to marry this great guy. And then I was going to get to a point in my life that everything was going to be okay. I actually believe that I would create that certainty and I would start to feel safe. And I went and I tried to do all those things in my life. I went to law school. I married the guy. I got a job at a large law firm. I actually remember walking to work my first day feeling I've arrived, but of course the second day it was during one of the financial crisis. They decided they were going to fire half the first years. And I was a first year. And because I had banked so much on that moment, it kind of blew up my narrative. And I realized that life was uncertain and I couldn't handle it. And I got stressed and I had more worry and I started to feel physically sick. I just could not get over this. I couldn't write a new narrative. I just couldn't get over that. I would never find that security that I wanted. And I didn't lose my job, but it didn't matter. You know, sometimes the illusion is broken. 

For many years i tried to change my diet i meditate i did all these things and they help center me but the minute something big happen in my life that was incredibly uncertain i am ralph and then one day i heard this beautiful story it was about a farmer had a horse and his horse ran away. And his neighbor came by and said, you have the worst luck. And the farmer said, maybe. But the next day, the horse came back with five mares. And the neighbor came by to the farmer and said, you have the best luck. And the farmer said, maybe. But the next day, the farmer's son is on the horse. He falls off and breaks his leg. And the neighbor comes by and says, you have the worst luck. And the farmer said, maybe. But the next day, the army came to take his son to war, but they couldn't take him because his son's leg was broken. The neighbor comes by and says, you have the best luck. And the farmer said, maybe. And in the Taoist tradition, so interesting, that story means things are neither good or bad. But for me, the minute I heard that story, I actually felt a pop in my chest because I had been so busy thinking about a horse running away. It never occurred to me that good things could happen. again and again and again and i started to incorporate this idea of maybe i remember the day i heard that story i came home and i was stressed about not having clients i was stressed about not having enough money and all of a sudden i just started to play with this little idea maybe my thoughts not true maybe everything's still okay, maybe things will get better. And it might sound so simple, but it took me from this place where I was so sure I was stuck, so sure life was bad. And it made me see that I don't know, I will never know, but not knowing means that things can change. The horse could come back with five mares, life could offer me something new. So this idea of maybe is the hope within the unknown. The minute I started to incorporate that I had less stress, less worry, more hope, and more opportunities. And my life totally changed and more present because when you're not projecting into the future, you come back to this moment. And this moment is where you're most powerful. This moment is where everything you want for the future is created. So maybe it was a life changer for me. It's simple, but it's profound.

Lixandra: So how can our listeners who are currently in the process of making their career switch and perhaps are hitting a wall due to the pandemic apply the practice of maybe to deal with the uncertainty of how long it may take.

Allison: First, it comes down to an awareness. Like what are the stories that we tell ourselves? Now, this is a very challenging time. I mean, there are people who are out of work. There are people who aren't making us as much money. There are people who have had an internal change in their lives and they don't want to go back to the life that they had before. But if they're going to believe that everything that happened in the past is going to follow them into the future, they're going to get stuck. And that's why maybe it's so beautiful because we fear uncertainty because we're taking all the things that have ever happened in our lives, our entire lives. And we're saying, we know how life will be. And that's what causes all the pain. because we don't allow new things to happen in our lives. I think one of the most profound things that you could do is keep watching those thoughts. And there's this great exercise in the first chapter of the book. And in the exercise, you ask yourself, what's my greatest fear? Now, in this case, your greatest fear could be, I will never find a job, I will never be able to change my job, I can't have the life that I want, things will never get better, I'll never have the money that I want. And then ask yourself, are you absolutely certain these fears are true? And what's so funny is that talk about certainty and uncertainty. You cannot be certain your fears are true. It's like you flip it, you flip it on your fear, you shine a light on it and you recognize, wait a second, I am not 100% sure life can't get better. Then write your maybe statements down and I have to be honest. I still do this exercise sometimes every day Sometimes I just think about it. Sometimes you could write it down for 20 minutes and just start basic. Maybe everything is still okay Maybe everything will get better. Maybe things are good. Maybe my thoughts are not true and then get specific. Maybe I need to do my resume again. Maybe I need to join a new Facebook group. Maybe I need to call my friend who I used to know five years ago, whatever it is, right? Maybe statement after maybe statement after maybe statement. And after 15 minutes, You're gonna feel a little shift because you are only writing the story that things can't get better. I can't achieve what I want I am stuck and after these maybe statements you realize wait a second. I am not certain that these fears are true Maybe something else is possible and then you start to open and the minute you open Life starts to change and even if the outside world looks exactly the same be patient everything starts from the inside and also We live with so much less pain and worry when we know that we're not stuck and life has hope and things can change.

Lixandra: I remember in my situation, I was stuck on the thoughts. I'm unemployed. I don't have a full time job. I'm just freelancing. And my friends would remind me that, hey, you're working. You have an income. You're not home doing nothing. And they were right. I was working the whole 14 months. I was freelancing. I was teaching. Plus, I was volunteering, which was also geared toward my career switch. However, in my mind, all my thoughts were future-based and how I hadn't gotten that full-time job in a new industry. It kept me in a state of stress and worry. Looking back, all those experiences were actually beneficial to making my career switch. Like you said, they opened up new possibilities, even though at the time I couldn't see it since all I could focus on was the future.

Allison: And then also what you did too, is you probably didn't get to enjoy the moment because again, we're so, we're so worried. We're not okay. We're so worried. Life's not working out the way that we thought we destroyed this moment. But what's interesting about what you did though, you kept going. Sometimes people get so stuck that they don't do anything. So at least even though you had the stress and worry, you kept building on it and building on and building on it. But imagine if you had kept saying to yourself, well, maybe. Maybe everything is still okay. Maybe there's something left for me to experience in this moment. But it's these stories. It's the narrative that we write. And deep down again, we're afraid we're not okay. Because if someone went into the future and they said, hey, listen, this is all going to work out for you. You're okay. You might have had more peace in the moment. And there are people that could do that. There are people that have faith that life will always work out. But for those of us who fear the unknown, we need something else. So this idea of maybe is kind of like a cognitive faith. And it allows us to still have joy in the moment when we have uncertainty. It allows us to find opportunity when we have uncertainty. And most of all, it allows us to stay open because that's the most important thing. Stay open because when we leave the playing field, we're not going to find anything. So we have to build strength and build resilience. And maybe it's one of those beautiful tools that you could do that.

Lixandra: I know a lot of what bothers us about uncertainty is that we can't control the outcome. Let's say I reach out to someone trying to network with them. I have to wait to see if they get back to me. Or if I apply for a job, I can't control what happens, and that can be very stressful. So how can we deal with that?

Allison: Well, what's so interesting about that, the reason it gets so stressful is because we keep looking for certainty. And what we do is we put so much pressure. We start to say, when I make that call, that's the job I'm supposed to get. And so we hook into it because we just keep hooking in to one thing to make us feel better. And we have to walk a little lightly on that and we have to stay a little detached. And that's why maybe again, it's such a great tool because when you make that call, you say, well, maybe this is the opportunity that I'm going to get that job, but maybe it's not. And so maybe there's something else that's going to happen. It's, we have to not fixate on things going one way. And again, it's because we don't feel safe. We don't feel okay, but we need to remind ourselves, there are many ways to be okay. Right. And we also forget too, that things just happen in life. Like things just kind of come into our lives sometimes also when we're not looking. So the pain is from the attachment of this needs to be this way. The pain is from the attachment. If this person doesn't call me back, I'm not going to be safe. If I don't get this job, I'm not going to be okay. We have to realize that everything is a maybe. And the more seeds that we plant, the more likely we're going to get there. It's kind of, like I said, it's like a cognitive faith. Another thing to remember is that we forget that uncertainty brings us good things. And if sometimes I like to sit in my life and I look at all the things I love and I remember that there was a time that those things were uncertain. I remember when I got my book deal, it just came out of nowhere. I was at a meeting. And I was so fixated this person's gonna publish my book. This person's gonna publish my book And then when I let it go one day, I got an email and it was like Allison Penguin Random House They just made you an offer. But when I was fixated on who it had to be I suffered so that's the thing we when we fixate we suffer and when we have maybe in our lives and we constantly remember that we don't know how it's gonna happen and But maybe this, maybe that, maybe that we walk lighter, we carry things lighter. And then we could feel the joy in our lives and not suffer every day because of these stories that we tell that aren't even true.

Lixandra: So letting go is part of the maybe process.

Allison: Yes, but without maybe it's hard to let go, right? Because the reason why people can't let go is they're afraid they're afraid that if this thing doesn't happen, I'm not going to be okay. And maybe reminds us, well, yeah, maybe that'll happen, but maybe something else will happen. So yes, there are people who can just let go. But when you fear uncertainty, you need a tool. And for me, maybe has been the most incredible tool to let go to surrender. But if you fear uncertainty, it's too hard. So it's kind of like maybe gives you that that platform to let go but still feel there's hope and there's possibility in your life that you're not doomed.

Lixandra: How else can we deal with the stress and worry during the time it takes to make a career switch?

Allison: I find what's also really beautiful is to incorporate a gratitude practice. And I know people talk about gratitude a lot, but what happens is that when we get so fixated that life's not working out and the future's not working out, things will never get better. We don't see the world around us because we're not present. So I also think it's important to always look at what you have at any moment. Because what happens if you go too much into the lack, you're going to forget your resources and resources when you're looking for a job are so important. So that gratitude practice could be about these personal things that we have in our lives. Love the family. Do we have shelter? Do we have food? And it kind of gives us a place to stand. But also when we do that gratitude practice, we remember the people that we know. we remember the tools that we have, we remember the skills that we have, remember the people that we've met. And I find that we just kind of contact all the resources that we have. And resources sometimes are a platform that we need to stand on when we're looking for something new. So a gratitude practice is also super important because you don't want to get so negative that you you lose your way and you forget what's happening. And again, When you lose the moment you lose the ability to create we create our best lives in this moment so gratitude along with this maybe practice and remember Uncertainty brings good things in your life too. And the minute you kind of start working with these two ideas You're gonna feel better. You're gonna enjoy what is like your experience ahead you had maybe in gratitude Maybe you had moments of that you would have had a smoother more peaceful experience and then also what happens is we're so open That we become more creative We see more that's in our lives. And I believe that when you live this way, you access more opportunities. You live with more hope, you live with more presence. It's just less suffering, just a more beautiful way to be.

Lixandra: Going along the lines of less suffering, looking back at the 14 months it took me, I could have enjoyed myself more. I could have taken a few short trips or taken a class because I had the time. What's your advice for someone who's fixated on their career switch?

Allison: I would say this moment matters too. We have to have a balance, right? We don't want to just say, Oh, I'm just going to live in the moment and spend all my money. That's not what presence is. Presence is seeing what's before you and being so open to life. And when you do that, you kind of get a connection to your truth. I would bet that not taking that class was based more on fear than it was on your bank account. And that's the thing. Fear clouds our judgment. It makes us see things that are not true. So if you're in, maybe. And if you don't fear the unknown and you're grateful, you'll be more centered. And I truly believe when you're centered, you know what the right thing to do in that moment is. So if you're able to do something, you'll know it, you'll feel it. And only, you know, but it's the stories we tell that cloud us. So I would say presence, gratitude, maybe And then you'll be able to come to this moment and do your best. And remember, sometimes things don't work out as planned. But again, there are many ways to be OK. And that's the most important thing to remember. And that uncertainty brings good things in your life, too. I always say, uncertainty is your best friend. Because if you want your life to change, it has to happen in the unknown.

Lixandra: We've covered a lot of ground discussing maybe, gratitude, and presence. Can you tell us how to incorporate these three practices in a practical way while making a career switch?

Allison: The first thing we need to think about is, is this our truth or is this our fear? Because we don't want to be limited again by the stories that we tell. So one of the things I would do every day if I was looking for a job after I woke up and I meditated and I did my exercises to kind of, you know, center myself, I would do the maybe practice every morning and I would write my biggest fears down so you can connect to what is holding you back. It might be not a fear, but if it is, we have to learn to let go of this fear of the unknown and recognize that uncertainty is our best friend because we want our lives to change. It has to happen in the unknown. Remind yourself that uncertainty brings good things to and find a maybe statement that works for you. Like for me, You know, maybe everything is still okay. Maybe my thoughts are not true, but find that one mantra that you can go back to throughout the day. Because when you start to think, I can't get a new job, I can't make a change in my life. You don't know that you cannot be certain of that statement and let maybe help you again and again and again. release from that one thought and go back to the fact that I don't know. And because I don't know so much more as possible. The second thing is this idea of gratitude again, because you want to remember the resources in your life. You don't want to miss the moment. So you don't want to sell today for tomorrow, right? So you want to try to alleviate the suffering. So when we do this gratitude practice, we remember the blessings, but also we forget everything that we have. We forget the skills we have. We forget our potential. we forget the people that we know because we're so busy telling the story that life's not working out. So a gratitude practice reminds us of the blessings, but it also at the same time connects us back to our resources. And the third thing is presence. It's what is happening in my life right now, because we think that when we get that new job, everything's going to be great. But that new job is not our entire life. And so we don't want to miss the moment, whether it's a walk or a coffee or the night out with your friends, we have to enjoy the life that we have right now. And the more we are present, the more we create, we have to remember, we create the future in this moment. And this is where we're most creative. So I'd say maybe gratitude and presence, however you can get there, I think are three great tools.

Lixandra: Thank you so much, Allison. How can people get in touch with you?

Allison: Well, I have a great website, allisonCarment.com, where you could read about my work. There are great blogs. And I also have this podcast, 10 minutes to less suffering, which especially if you're looking for a new job, it's a great podcast that within 10 minutes, it gives you a tool that you can suffer less and have more hope. I have my book, The Gift of Maybe, which is available at all major bookstores and online retailers. And if anyone has a question or is interested in changing career or they need some help, you can always reach me at Allison at alisincarmen.com.

Lixandra: Thanks to Allison Carmen for being our guest today. You can find links to the resources mentioned in this episode and more helpful information in the show notes and on our website, careerswitchpod.com. While you're there, join our mailing list and follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Careerswitchpod. So what's your career switch? Are you excited to take action after listening to this episode? Tell us at careerswitchpod.com. We'd love to know, along with any feedback you have about the show. We're a new podcast, so please rate, review, and share with your friends and colleagues. It'll help get the show out there. Thanks for listening today. Till next time.